I am finding myself rageful lately. The politics in this country no longer reflect dialogue I’m even remotely familiar with and each day we experience a new tragedy or outrage that we no longer even seem to notice.
As we reel and stumble to make sense of our public health crisis of mass shootings by white men, I keep hearing the question, “what has changed since we were kids?”
No, I’m not talking about “family values” or about God in the lives of Americans or about women in the workplace. In terms of money and national values, though, much has changed.
The wealth gap in the US is widening annually – currently bigger than ever.
Voter suppression and gerrymandering have had a huge impact on who is elected into office.
Citizens United and campaign finance laws have contributed to the movement toward kleptocracy.
To name a few . . . little things add up and become big things. Our legislative branch has ground to a halt, adversarial, vindictive, ineffective, and unaccountable.
NCLB created necessary, but deeply flawed, accountability measures for districts, teachers, and states. These high stakes measures, in my opinion, changed the face of education in our country.
More and more kids and families living in poverty means more needs to meet in schools. Intense demands to make ends meet creates stress in families.
State and federal budgets have consistently demonstrated a lack of commitment in public education resulting in teachers and administrators forced to do much much much more with far less.
To name a few . . . little things add up and become big things. Our dialogue has diminished to a blame game, all or nothing, you’re with me or you’re against me.
We have a disconnect between policy and practice in public education. We have underresourced, overstretched teachers and administrators. And teachers are as variable as the rest of us – some literally save lives, some do damage, some fall somewhere in between. We have learners and their families with vast needs, some we cannot even begin to comprehend. We have refugee children in our classrooms – literally escaping war zones. Are we trauma informed enough for that? We have huge challenges and far too few solutions.
I don’t claim to have the answers but I do know there is no one answer and there is no one blame. It’s not JUST access to weapons of war (although that is a big one, and one we can easily change . . . with our votes). It’s not JUST parents who don’t care or don’t discipline or don’t go to church or don’t teach manners (this narrative needs to be silenced, it is not productive or accurate, support families always). It’s not JUST teachers who are stretched too thin (another narrative that is played out, support teachers always). It’s not JUST poverty. It’s not JUST white supremacy or bullying or video games.
Every child is a unique being experiencing the world in his unique way. Your interactions make a mark. Every. Single. Time. You never know what someone carries away from their experience with you. Show compassion. Empathy. Give the benefit of the doubt. Focus on strengths. See the good in others. FIND good in others. When you feel yourself making a judgement about someone else’s choices, reframe that judgement into a strengths-based statement. “Fourth graders should know how to walk quietly down the hall by now” could be reframed into “We all need reminders some days, let’s talk about how we move through our school building.” Simple switches that lift and teach.
Embrace mistakes. Teach from mistakes. Forgive mistakes. See the humanity in others, empathize, care. Less talking, more listening. Seek to understand. Vote. March. Participate. Engage, and listen.
What’s changed since we were kids, I think, is that we’re the adults now. And there’s no assault weapons ban, there’s student loan debt, and wages are stagnant, health insurance premiums are stupid expensive, and the shrinking middle class can’t keep up. Americans are stressed to the max and desperate people do desperate things in small and big ways.
Also I don’t think it was all rainbows and butterflies when we were kids. But time has a way of fuzzing the edges and filtering the blemishes. And there wasn’t easy access to weapons of war.
I am reframing my rage into care, my anger into empathy. What about you? What can you commit to do for our nation, your community, your family? It will take every last one of us and I’m with you.